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Parenting & Education in Ireland

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Parenting & Education

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Children Absorb Your Stress



Being a parent, teacher or child in today’s world, comes with huge stress and pressure. We are all expected to perform at the highest levels possible. This is difficult enough to cope with as an adult. For many children the pressure feels overwhelming. Kids are expected to be the best developmentally, academically, socially, athletically and every other way. Some children cope well with stress. These children have a robust spirit and enjoy the challenges of life. Other children, however, are more sensitive and vulnerable and do not deal well with stress. They find life difficult and spend a great deal of time feeling afraid and anxious.

Research shows that the numbers of children with high levels of stress have increased dramatically. This chronic stress causes kids to be more susceptible to health problems, as well as learning, behaviour or mood problems. The increased cortisol, associated with chronic stress, eats away at their spirit, body and brain. The problem is that, although chronic stress in children is such a dangerous condition, it is often under-diagnosed or under-estimated, by healthcare providers and even parents.

It is a scientifically proven fact that children absorb your stress

There is another vitally important factor that is often under-estimated and not spoken about – the role played byYOUR stress, as a parent or teacher.

Not only does your stress affect your own chemistry - it also impacts the chemistry of your children. And not in a good way! When you are stressed, kids know it. They know it because it’s in your eyes, your body language, your gestures, the expression on your face, the tone of your voice, the tense way you interact with them. This screams the message to them that my mommy or daddy or teacher is stressed. They may not be able to intellectually say to you, ‘You are stressed and this upsets me,” but they know it - and it makes them feel anxious.

Your chemistry affects their chemistry.

Bottom line: Parents and teachers - when YOUR stress chemistry is switched on, so is theirs. When this happens, you cannot expect children to learn or pay attention, or behave positively because they simply can’t. The stress chemicals prevent this. There is no point in punishing them or yelling at them or explaining logically why their behaviour is unacceptable because, once they are stressed, they cannot “hear” you or think logically.

Stop cortisol build-up

It is vitally important for parents and teachers to understand how to engage with children in ways that will prevent the build-up of stress chemistry and instead stimulate calm chemistry.


    • Slow down, stop multitasking, make eye contact, listen to them, touch them and be truly present.
    • Practice deep breathing. Breathe in for the count of 6, hold for 3, out for 6. You will be amazed how this changes your chemistry.
    • Manage time, create doable daily targets. Avoid unrealistic overloads.
    • Consciously build fun and laughter with the kids, into your day.


Article provided by Dr. Sandy Gluckman
Dr. Gluckman, PhD is a Functional Behaviour and Health Coach for parents who have children that are struggling with learning, mood and behaviour challenges. She is the creator of the internationally acclaimed Programmes, Parents, Take Charge! and Teachers Take Charge! The purpose of these Programmes is to empower parents and teachers with information and tools to heal children without relying on prescription drugs. To read more about her programme, visit www.parentsandteacherstakecharge.com



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