To help a child feel confident in making decisions, it is very important to get them involved in problem solving with you from an early age. As parents, it is often difficult to step back and help a child to identify and generate the options they have for solving a problem themselves and we are often tempted to ‘rush in’ and solve the problem for them. However, if you can practice stepping back and helping your child to solve the problem themselves, you are teaching them an invaluable life skill. They are learning how to identify the problem, generate options for solving the problem and practice choosing and trying out the options themselves.
Problem solving with children should follow these simple steps:
The importance of keeping a connection open and strong with your child or teenager cannot be underestimated. Take time to get to know them, be interested in the world, listen and chat to them at every opportunity and try to find good times to really connect with your child. How well do you know them? What are their four best friend’s names? What are their opinions on poverty/politics/religion etc? What is their favourite music, colour? Who do they really admire and why? These are all things that you would most likely know about your friends so why not have the same interest in getting to know your child/teenager?
If you have a strong connection with your teenager, they are more likely to feel that they can discuss problems with you and more importantly, you can help them to solve the problem themselves. By talking through a problem such as being asked to take drugs, they can identify their options themselves, be confident in the decision they make and you can always check in with them later to see how they feel.
Remember also, that when your teenager makes a ‘good’ choice, encourage and praise them for their maturity and ability to have worked out the options and chosen one that was right for them. Continuous support and encouragement will help to keep them confident in their own decision making.
If your teenager wants to talk to you about sex, drugs, alcohol or other issues, try to make sure that you understand and are aware of what the issues are. Get information on drugs – what are the various types, what is the common or ‘street’ name for these, what are the dangers and so on. The same is true for internet safety, alcohol and sex. If your teenager does want to discuss issues that they are facing, then isn’t it much better if they can discuss it with someone who is aware of the subject and how it is presented to them? Your local GP, health clinic or community centre should have information leaflets available. You can also check out sites such as www.Drugs.ie or www.Spunout.ie for more information.
So the key message is, build your child’s confidence in their own ability to identify the problem, generate their options and choices, think these through, trust their own judgement and make effective decisions. Continuous support through encouragement, helping their problem solving skills, building a strong connection with them and being aware of the dangers and situations that they face will help them to stand up for their own choices and decisions while knowing that they have you to support them when they need it.
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