| re : Discipline Confusion           |
20/10/2009 21:46 - Behaviour / Discipline
Hi, i also have discipline problems with my 3 year old, she tends to hit me and other people and also bites them. I have started her in montessori and she is very good when she is in there but when she comes home she starts up again, i am trying to discipline her and have introudced the naughty corner at home also , but i was wondering if anyone has other solutions to this.
| re... : Discipline Confusion           |
20/10/2009 23:28 - Behaviour / Discipline
Don´t make threats that you don´t follow through on. Don´t make threats if you don´t intend to carry them out. Be consistent, fair and calm.
| Discipline Confusion           |
09/05/2009 23:38 - Behaviour / Discipline (Locality: Kildare)
Hi, I have a two and a half year old daughter who is constantly hyper, she´s not always being bold but it does make it difficult bringin her places where i need to keep her some what calm or quiet, i´ve gotten to the stage of avoiding taking her places to avoid embarrassment.
I have been trying to scold her and discipline her but she ignores me & takes no notice, or she throws an even bigger tantrum. I don´t know what I´m doing wrong, I want her to know when things are not acceptable but its getting harder & harder when she refuses to listen or acknowledge when she is being scolded. I´m hoping to start her in montessori school this coming september but I can´t really if she doesn´t calm down. Everyone keeps telling me Oh its the terrible twos, let her grow out of it, but I know an awful llot of children her age aren´t constantly hyper & wired.
Also her father and I are seperated, he tends to be just all about the fun side of things with her & lets her away with things when I wouldnt, so I think she´s getting confused as to what´s acceptable behaviour and what´s not? Does anyone have any advice they could give me?
| re : Discipline Confusion           |
21/10/2009 13:07 - Behaviour / Discipline
At Help Me To Parent, we call this the classic cycle of misbehaviour! The child behaves badly, you react in a negative way, you both feel angry causing the child to misbehave again and so the cycle continues. So how do you break this cycle? Firstly, have a plan to teach the child to behave well and encourage the behaviour you want rather than the behaviour you don’t want. For example, say to your child “We are going to the supermarket today and I know you are going to be a great girl/boy and help Mummy with the shopping. When we are finished, Mummy is going to get you a treat for being so good”. It seems simple but it is much more effective to tell the child the behaviour you want rather that reacting to behaviour that you don’t want. This teaches them HOW to behave well. If the child begins to misbehave, remain very calm and state again, the behaviour you would like. For example, “You must hold the trolley when we walk around the supermarket – you are a big girl/boy and I know you can do this. When we are finished, you will get a treat for being such a good girl/boy”. Above all, remain calm! Praise them when they do behave – “there’s a great girl/boy holding the trolley – you are so good and I am really pleased with you. Wait until Daddy/Granny/Granddad hears how good you are”!
It is difficult to explain this but we have taught this technique to parents on our courses and the have confirmed that it works very effectively. The aim is to always state the behaviour that you want, keeping the message positive. Plan your reaction carefully, plan how you will handle these situations and this will help you to remain calm and consistent with your child. Equally, by remaining calm yourself, you can insist on your child remaining calm also. For example, if the child is screaming or shouting, in a very calm voice tell them “we must use a quiet voice and be polite to Mummy. Please now, use a quiet voice”. It is difficult to explain in an email but these techniques will help both you and the child.
One last point, make sure that you child is getting enough sleep! This can be at the root of a lot of behavioural problems!