| shy child           |
24/01/2011 13:08 - Ask Mother Hen
Hi Mother Hen,
I had to go the website last nite to find your website and hopefully you can help me. I am very distressed and do take things to heart and worry alot. My first boy is 7and he had a speech problem and got groumets inserted in which detailed his speech. He had (according to physcology) that speech impairment was a problem, but thank god has come on fantastic to and extend, but now its the shyness, At school loves his friends, football and anyone that would play with him, but shy at time in those situations, but into a place of strangers or where he gets alot of attention, no way disaster strikes!!! Just gets so heated up and wants to go home. He doesnt like getting into conversation with someone not sure of, but listen I love my son to bits, but he has a sister and she is complete opposite, but can hold back too sometimes. I always was a stay at home mum, is this the problem and be with me majority of the time. However my son will join in company no bother unless he knows and likes the people involved. All I want to know is that as a stay at home Mum, what else can I do, or am I doing something wrong.I keep on to him that when someone comes visiting please speak to them, but am I making it too much of an issue. Sorry for the long conversation but hopefully you can get back to me .
thanking you sincerely in advance
| re : shy child           |
24/01/2011 17:57 - Ask Mother Hen
Shyness outside the home in children is very common. Children who are very chatty and open with trusted adults can become shy, unsettled and even frightened with new people. In many situations this can be appropriate and as children are learning to distinguish who is to be trusted in the world. Shyness is only a problem if you feel it is handicapping a child and reducing the opportunities they might have in school or pre-school. Equally, childrens temperaments can change over time, many children grow out their shyness as they learn to be more socially secure. What is important in dealing with shyness is that you dont put your child under pressure to speak in social situations. As shy people will tell you, this pressure can make the anxiety all the more severe. Rather, dont make a big deal when he doesnt speak and pay attention any time he does initiate communication (even non-verbal). For example, if he hands a new person a toy, you can gently acknowledge with a smile, but don´t put huge focus or attention on this action as this could make your son feel embarrassed and contribute to his shyness.
Also, remember to build on the times that he is chatty and comfortable. For example, if he is more secure at home, you could introduce new friends and people to him in this environment. Or if he has a favourite game, activity or toy use this as an opportunity to increase his confidence and communication, by letting new people join in this with him. The trick with this is not to make a big deal of it all, and to go slow without pressure. Remember that in the long term, he is likely to grow out of most of his shyness and it may be a simply a sign of him emerging introverted and thoughtful personality. Try to enjoy the chatty and playful child you have at home now!