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5 year old not happy in school

5 year old not happy in school           reply
25/03/2010 23:25 - Ask Mother Hen (Locality: Meath)
My son started school in September this year. Since starting school he has wet the bed 4 times and has never done this previously even straight after being potty trained. I asked the teacher if he was ok in school and she said he´s happy when doing his work but likes to play on his own during playtime and does not mix well in the yard. He has missed about two weeks of school due to ear infections and is awaiting a hearing test.
Nearly every morning when going in to school he will come up with some reason to stay off or ask me to collect him early and gets upset when I explain to him that he has to go in.
His teacher spoke to me yesterday telling me that he´s very upset in school, that he cried for 45 minutes one of the days and nothing she said would console him. She said he doesn´t mix well and tends to be on his own in the yard.
When he was sick he stayed at home and played his DS so I thought maybe that was the reason he wanted to stay at home so spoke to him yesterday and told him even if he was home from school sick he would not be allowed to play his DS until an hour in the evening. He accepted this no problem. I also asked if anything was bothering him in school and he said no. Today going in to school he told me he wasn´t feeling well again and tonight going to bed he said he´d a headache and pain in his stomach.

I really don´t know what to do with him. He has an older brother and a younger sister and I work as a childminder so he is used to having lots of children around him.
Could it be that he finds it hard to make friends as he´s never had to make the effort to do so because of his brother who he´s close to and the children I mind?

Any ideas would be very much appreciated as he has me broken hearted at the moment.

re : 5 year old not happy in school           reply
29/03/2010 13:54 - Ask Mother Hen
god you poor thing,somethin no matter how small must be upsetting him,maybe he had a small fallout with a friend or teacher,try have a play day maybe get one of his friends over for a play once a week this might help as he will get to know someone real well & might not mind going then as much as he does now

re... : 5 year old not happy in school           reply
30/03/2010 15:48 - Ask Mother Hen
It certainly sounds like he is very anxious about going to school. The tummy pains and so on definitely sound like the poor little guy is worried about something be it in the classroom or at playtime.
Can I suggest that you try to have some one to one time with him where you can get close and have some peace for a chat? Maybe play a jigsaw or do some colouring together so that you can have a casual chat. Ask him what he likes about school, listen carefully and chat with him about the things he said. Bring it round then to what he doesn´t like about school. Again, listen carefully to what he is saying and what he is ´feeling´. It is important to try to pick up on his feelings too. You may be able to get more of an idea about what is wrong by chatting.
Hopefully, you will find out what his anxiety is caused by. If it is an issue that the teacher can help with, talk to her. If he is very shy or having trouble mixing, it may be as simple as her moving him to a table with quiet children that he may find it easier to relate to.
Work with him to solve the problem. Language such as "what do you think we can do to sort this out?" will give him the opportunity to think up a solution and also, if he can think of a solution, this will boost his self esteem. If you can come up ´with a plan´ together, then arrange to have a chat about how this is going after a few days. You could, by way of supporting and encouraging him, have a little chart that he gets a star or good mark when he goes to school and then a treat when he gets a certain number of stars.
The suggestion of a playdate is a good idea also. If you can find out who he likes or is close to at school, you can encourage this friendship through playdates.
It may well be that his anxiety is based on something that is quite simple to solve and with your support and encouragement, he will get through this.
Please let us know how you get on.
The very best of luck to you and your little boy

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