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4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??

re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
01/10/2008 16:31 - Behaviour / Discipline
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Thanks for the replies!!

Rach, just on your recommendation of an eye test, he had been attending the eye clinic on a 6mthly basis, this was on the recommendation of the PHN as there was a history of eye problems on his Dads side.
These appointments obviously became less frequent and there were no worries at the time. However he is long over due another appointment so I will look into that straight away!

I´m sure plenty of other Mums are getting the same feed back and I´m probably being over the top about the whole thing.

I think he´s health at the moment is not helping him.
He is suffering at the moment with Asthma, obstructive tonsils and enlarged adenoids, sleep apnea and to top it all off he came home yesterday with a Tummy Bug!) I rang the school this morning to say he wouldn´t be attending this morning because of the bug and that was fine, but before I hung up (it was his teacher that happened to answer the phone in the office) she mentioned to me that he´d been coughing a bit yesterday and that he was spitting quite a bit. I was shocked and asked her what she meant by spitting?
She said, not any anybody or anything like that, but every hour he´s spitting onto his hands, dribbling down onto his desk etc and she said she hadn´t come across anything like this before so I should maybe mention it to the GP or consultant to see if this is part of the problems he is having.
With the sleep apnea they are ´deprived´ a normal nights sleep and I read today that this can also cause behaviour problems.
He was with his GP last Friday due to some of the problems mentioned above and he seems to think he´s a right little bright spark with no problems of ADD/ADHD and that he feels he may just be a bit bored in school.
So I don´t know.
It doesn´t seem to be improving though. He was put in the corner on Monday for shouting.

Another problem concerning the work at home. It´s really too late again I get home and get organised before I sit down to do HW with him. It´s almost 7pm which at that stage he´s just fit for bed so that´s definitely not helping things!

So anyway, I´m back at the GP on Friday with him, I´ll mention the spitting thing to him and see what he thinks. In the meantime, your suggestions have been very helpful. I hope the poor little mite settles soon. I hate to think he´s bringing all this negative attention to himself and even though the teacher is lovely etc I find that all my conversations with her are negative ones.




re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
01/10/2008 16:49 - Behaviour / Discipline
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Hi Noodle

Ah the poor little fella! He is having a really bad time at the minute with all his health issues. I would think that starting school has really taken its toll on him & he is just reacting the only way he knows how. He is only 4 & with not getting a good nights sleep on top of being ill he is bound to be irritable. I am sure things will settle down for him in time. My little boy also has Asthma & I know how difficult things can be. Try not to worry too much, I am sure things will settle down for him in time.

All the best

Rachel



re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
14/03/2009 23:42 - Behaviour / Discipline
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That´s great to hear. The moral of the story I suppose is that most things work out in the end, even though it must be tough when you´re going through it.



re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
15/03/2009 00:39 - Behaviour / Discipline
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I suppose as parents, we only have eyes for our own children, are very sensitive about them and can , understandably be very protective all the time. There is bound to be an element of rough and tumble, especially with boys. Doesn´t necessarily mean there´s anything sinister or necessarily mean that it is something directed specifically at your little boy. The great thing is that while whatever you saw may have upset you, he´s unphased, which is wonderful. Some children can be more touchy/feely, while others are more conscious of their own space (the same for adults, I suppose). Perhaps your son and his classmates are familiar with one another and don´t take much notice of what might appear, on first sight, to be something not very nice. Hope this makes sense. No harm having a word with the teacher as well. Good luck and hope your little boy is better soon.



re : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
08/06/2011 18:12 - Behaviour / Discipline
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Noodle, I implore you and others to consider the possibility that there is nothing at all wrong with your children. In most European countries children do not start school till 7 and would not be considered ready in terms of their development to learn reading and writing before that age. Also, at aged 4.5 a child is a kinestethic learner, learning through their body and movement and the school´s pedagogy should reflect this. It is totally unnatural to ask a child of that age to sit still. My son started school at 5.5 and he is not the oldest in his class. I nearly wish he never went to school at all considering how much gried you get as a parent for their non-conformity to codes of behaviour all along the line. It seems it is not alway possible for all teachers to teach children in the way that would be considered good practice these days - which is child-centred, taking account of multiple intelligences and ways of learning of each individual child. What is most tragic is this tendency to look to some fault in the child if they have difficulty in paying attention - perhaps they are too young; perhaps the learning environment is not appropriate for their age or stage, perhaps they need help to develop certain skills from somebody who knows what they are doing? Why are so many young boys particularly getting diagnosed with a disorder which is really just a collection of traits, and then being labelled and being given a drug very similar to cocaine? Just for being themselves. There are many eminent professionals who do not believe that this should be happening. Have faith in your child to be themselves, ask the teacher how they take account of multiple intelligences in their teaching practice and insist that your child gets a child-centred education that accepts them as they are and does not seek to label them if they diverge for so-called ´norms´. We are doing a grave injustice to our children.



re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
11/11/2011 16:08 - Behaviour / Discipline
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My DD just started JI this year, having spent 2 years in Montessori and loving it. She always got on well with everyone in Montessori, the teachers loved her and she loved them, she´s very bright and loves learning.
However, her teacher in her new school seems very old fashioned. I appreciate that with a larger class size it´s difficult to ensure that everyone is kept in line, but she seems to have taken a dislike to my daughter and isn´t very friendly toward her. I didn´t think DD had picked up on it, but my mother collected her the other day and she talked about teacher ´shouting all the time´ and not speaking nicely to her.
Any feedback this teacher gives, to any parent, is negative and is done in front of the child, other children and parents when dropping children to school. It´s never anything too serious, but my DH overheard her complain to one parent about his child´s behaviour and a few days later, DD was repeating a story about same child displaying same behaviour and why it was so dangerous. I thought we had passed the time of public shaming, but it seems that the whole class was informed of this incident.
She has complained to me on 2 occasions about DD´s behaviour, describing her as having ´the potential to be cheeky´ and also saying that she takes too long washing her hands and could I have a word with ´herself´ and calling her ´missy´.
DD was also able to repeat an incident where a child was questioning the teacher and teacher obviously became annoyed because she said ´for god´s sake, I told you I´d do that´. I couldn´t believe she´d lost her patience with the child, who was obviously excited.
I don´t want to have a confrontation with the teacher, but I don´t feel that she´s communicating with the children very well and, although DD is strongwilled, she is not rude or petulant and is extremely well disciplined and well behaved at home.
Reading the posts here, I feel that maybe she´s a little bored - she described one of the activities they were doing as a baby activity, for montessori. I just want her to enjoy school, I´m not worried about academics at this stage, and I feel that to teach an infant class there should be a love for young childrent, which I don´t see at all. I am considering a new school next year, maybe somewhere smaller. The behaviour that is being complained about is very normal at this age, but I would prefer that any issues were brought to my attention. My concerns around this, however, are doing it in a public space. I feel that it should be done when no one else can hear, especially the child themselves.
I am due our second baby shortly and I´m worried that I won´t have time to resolve the issue over the next while. Should I make an appointment to discuss my concerns and how do I broach them? Any advice welcomed!



re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
18/10/2010 16:05 - Behaviour / Discipline
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Thank you all for the posts.

I completely understand what you mean about taking it all personally. I got completely overwhelmed by his behaviour issues at school and i had to take a step back and look at the situation. My son is 4.5yrs old and 6 weeks in school so i think its fair to say he needs some time to adjust to school and by encouraging the good and ignoring the bad i feel we can get through this as he matures. My son is gorgeous, funny, intelligent and i adore him and i want his school days to be the best days of his life. I have actually taken him to a child psychologist because i was so worried. He told me he is just strong willed which will serve him well in later life and a little bit hyper (more excitable really) but he felt he didn´t have any concerns about disorders or issues and that its just immaturity!

I hope he is right and i will update ye all as to how he is getting on. I´m so glad i´m not alone (teachers made me feel like i had a monster that they had never encountered before) but they clearly see it all the time. My son as the psychologist put is "just isn´t montessoried to the last" and will be ok in the end.

LK



re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
20/10/2010 09:48 - Behaviour / Discipline
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September of Junior infants is a period of adjustment. If there is an issue, it´s a good thing for the teachers to bring it to our attention but we all need to give it time to see how things pan out. If there are still difficulties down the road, then you are doing all you can. Hopefully the psychologist is right but was just wondering if the psychologist observed your DS in the classroom setting and if he spoke to the teacher?



re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
17/03/2009 20:41 - Behaviour / Discipline
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I felt at 4.5 he was quite ready for school & certainly felt he was quite mature for his age. I think it was just such a huge shock for him all the same and to be honest I´m not sure if keeping him till this September would have made a big difference! He´s acadamically able for it, socialising is not a problem for him. It did take him a little longer to settle than I thought it would though.
After discussing the ´incident´ with the teacher, it seems that there are still some of them now settling and still quite boysterious & not following rules that well in the class, so i suppose in the grand scheme of things he´s done really well.
He´s quite big for his age too so I imagined him at 5.5 to be towering over the other Lo´s starting.




re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
17/03/2009 23:51 - Behaviour / Discipline
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Kincora. In my son´s school, 50 boys started in Junior Infants. 5.5yrs would have been the oldest by a long shot. The average was 4.5 yrs, the exact age my son was. I would feel that it could work either way but it´s not a good idea to be too old either. Having said that, if a child is barely 4, it´s a tough decision. Depends on a lot of circumstances in that situation with alot of things having to be weighed up.



re : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
01/10/2008 16:12 - Behaviour / Discipline
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Hi Noodle
If you don´t feel there is an underlying problem I wound´t stress to much about it at the moment although I think Rach´s suggestion of an eye test would be good just to rule the possibility out. When my son, now 8, started school there was a recurring theme from the teacher that he seemed to find it difficult to concentrate. In talking with mums of other boys quite a few received the same feedback so the first point I would make is that it can take a while for the boys to learn to focus in the way the girls can. Over the years we have continued to receive feedback that my son is still very easy to distract in class and I continue to experience the same problem you have with homework. What I have noticed over time is that he is in fact quite bright, good at maths, reads lots of books but oh lordy, try and get him to commit it in writing to paper continues to be a struggle whether in class or at home. He quite simply does not like to take the time to write or colour so will often not finish his work in class or take down his homework and I have to sit beside him at home during homework to make sure he is not distracted. He is well able to do it ,it is just a case of continuously repeating the routine/discipline of making sure he does his homework straight afterschool and setting deadlines that if he doesn´t focus and finish the work, he will miss a favourite TV prog, computer time or a play with another kid!

It´s very early days yet for your son. I´m sure if you talk with other mums of boys in the class you will find others with similar feedback.



4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
29/09/2008 17:51 - Behaviour / Discipline
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Hi.
I´m the Mother of a 4.5y old boy who just started JI this year.
He´s great for going to school, runs to his line everyday I´m so delighted with this as for the first 2 weeks there was plenty of tears.
However, there is one thing which I find upsetting and maybe I´m being a bit OTT with it but on a number of occasions his teacher has mentioned that he finds it very hard to concentrate, doesn´t want to sit still for more than 5mins, has no interest in doing work, wants to walk and talk in the classroom and while I know he´s not the only one doing this I still find it disappointing as I´ve had numerous chats with him about this behaviour and explained that his teacher is very important and he has to be nice and do as she asks.
She also felt he found it hard to keep eye contact with her when she was talking to him, she felt he was half listening and would look away during her sentence! She asked me if I found this at home but to be honest, to me he is quite normal and obedient at home. Eye contact we don´t have a problem with and he´s generally happy!
I do see the problem getting him to do homework, For example: we were doing homework and I have him his copy and pencil and after doing 1 ´d´ he put the pencil down and said it was boring and he was tired. I was trying to be patient with him and encourage him and tell him how lovely his work was etc etc but it was very hard to actually get him to finish! How do I get over this with him.
Following the last discussion with his Teacher I almost came away wondering if he had ADD/Adhd and I did ask her if she felt there were underlying problems. She said she didn´t know!
He was at the GP on Friday for other reasons and I happened to ask him about the giddyness etc. He thinks it may be purely lack of stimulation/boredom.
His GP has always said that I´d a bright spark in my son, picks up things very quickly, and he doesn´t have any concerns about him being hyperactive or suffering from any other disorder.

So...after all that rambling. The main purpose of this post is how do I encourage him to behave better in school and how do I get him to enjoy doing his work more. It´s becoming stressful.

Any advise would be more than welcomed!!!



re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
15/03/2009 00:08 - Behaviour / Discipline
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Absolutely Derby...of course at the time you don´t see the light at the end of the tunnel!
I have an issue at the moment though concerning something I saw going on in the line up....I´ve discussed it with his teacher and hope it´s hit on the head fairly quickly.
Basically I saw him being treated very badly...he was totally unphased by any of it...
The worry never ends!!!!



re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
17/03/2009 20:23 - Behaviour / Discipline
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Hiya, i´ve no worries now with him in school in regards to the problems I originally posted. He has settled very well now and is doing great with his work. His teacher said he´s as bright as a button and settled to being a "great kid" in school. My current worries are an incident in which I witnessed him being bullied in the line up one morning. It was quite agressive behaviour from the other child. DS is not at all phased by it and has forgotten it already but I have mentioned this to the teacher. Unfortunately this other little fella is quite agressive towards other kids too. I just happened to hang around this particular morning and witnessed the kicking and boxing going on which was not too nice I can tell you. So thankfully the other problems have passed but there´s always something new to worry about with kids.



re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
17/03/2009 20:30 - Behaviour / Discipline
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On Kinkora´s point. Noodle´s little boy was 4.5 yrs old last September which would make him 5 now. If Noodle had kept him for another year he would have been 5.5 years starting Juniors, which is quite old really.



re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
17/03/2009 20:36 - Behaviour / Discipline
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5.5 for boys would´nt be old



re : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
01/10/2008 15:24 - Behaviour / Discipline
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Hi there

I know I might be completely off the mark here but anything is worth a shot in this kind of situation! My son was getting the same remarks made by his teacher at montessori re lack of concentration etc. I had also noticed at home that he found it "boring" when he was coloring or looking at books & would put whatever it was aside after a minute or two. I had also been thinking along the lines of ADD or ADHD!
I brought him (10 months ago) to an optician to have his eyes checked as recommended by our public health nurse,as because I have a lazy eye I wanted to be sure he didn´t have one to. It turned out he didn´t have a lazy eye but he is in fact very badly longsighted in both eyes. The optician told me that this would have been causing the poor concentration levels both at home & in pre-school as he could not see what he was doing properly & was getting annoyed & disruptive as he couldn´t understand what was going on. He got glasses that day & it took a day or two for him to get used to them but the glasses have made an amazing difference for him. He started JI last month & loves it, loves his schoolwork/homework etc!
As I said this might not help but I hope it works out to be this simple for you.
Good luck
Rachel



re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
14/03/2009 22:58 - Behaviour / Discipline
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Hiya,
Well actually he did settle. It took him until after the mid term in October. Now he´s great. Still talks a little but I´ve been told since he´s as bright as a button and a great kid :)
Needless to say I´m delighted.
Just this week he got his tonsils and adenoids out so he´s gonna be out for 2 weeks but I´m hoping that this will help him in many ways!
I think some of them settle quicker than others.
I always knew it was going to be hard but nothing prepared me or him for the emotional ups and downs over the past few months. All I can say is Thank God!!!



re : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
14/06/2011 15:22 - Behaviour / Discipline
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well first off find out if your child is being bullied mine was for three yrs never new a thing we only found out two weeks ago he is nearly finnished first class and we are very upset so enquire from your child please the second week of juniour infants is when it started hence he is now a nervous wreck




re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
17/03/2009 18:09 - Behaviour / Discipline
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I wonder is he a bit young for infants?Boys can be slower to mature and find it harder to settle.Are his iron levels ok?Sometimes children with concentration issues may have low iron, worth geting checked next time you´re at the gp. Hope all settles down for you both



re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
11/11/2011 17:23 - Behaviour / Discipline
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Shouting, being impatient, saying your daughter has the potential to be cheeky, and calling her Missy are all signs of a deep lack of respect for the young people this teacher is being paid (I assume by the state) to work with to facilitate their learning. It sounds like she is either not trained in child development and the appropriate way to relate to children, or she refuses to put that training into practice. As a parent you have an absolute right to raise these concerns with her in an unapologetic way. You could ask to meet her and outline your concerns and ask her to confirm that she will treat your child with respect at all times, modelling good behaviour and never shouting or being impatient. This is her job. You could express concern about the way she talks about the kinds of behaviour that are normal for children at that age. You can also ask the school about their any policies and procedures they may have that guide their classroom practice and how their system of positive behaviour works in practice. Good luck!



re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
14/03/2009 21:42 - Behaviour / Discipline
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Read this post earlier and as I have a young lad due to start school, I was interested to know if this young lad settled down? If the irritability continued, I would imagine it would be exhausting.



re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
22/10/2010 15:14 - Behaviour / Discipline
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The idea of the outside person coming in and seeing how the child behaves in the classroom and the yard would be very informative. Perhaps if it was only one day and if the child knew there was somebody coming, it might not give a clear picture so it would be best to say nothing.



re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
01/11/2010 23:50 - Behaviour / Discipline
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Any update? I hope things are settling down.



re : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
14/10/2010 16:10 - Behaviour / Discipline
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I have a 4 year old boy who started school this sept too and i have the same problem...wag the finger at me everyday to come over. He wouldn´t sit down and he wouldn´t do this and that. I actually went to my doctor crying cos they were suggesting ADHD and Autism and everything to me. I think they want little soldiers who do everything they say and my little fella certainly ain´t one. He has no problem learning and tells me everything he did that day when he comes home. He sings the songs all the time to himself at home.

I am really struggling with it to be honest so i know how you feel. I´m already considering moving him school! Maybe educate together and smaller classes cos i am actually stressed out after 6 weeks of school :(



re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
15/10/2010 12:35 - Behaviour / Discipline
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Hiya. Sorry to hear you´re having the same problems. It can be very stressful.
Unfortunately my response probably won´t fill you with optimism!
It turns out that due to ´immaturity´ my little guy ended up repeating snr infants this year! In general I don´t have a problem with this but if it means he will benefit from it but after a few discussions with the teacher in the past few weeks she has told me that he´s still talkative, moving about and really struggling to stay focused on any of the work they carry out in Class.
We had a very detailed discussion regarding the situation and have decided that if nothing changes between now and Christmas he will be getting an assesment. He doesn´t have problems academically, his problems seem more behavioural than anything. He just can´t concentrate - simple as!
He´s not rough, agressive, cheeky so it´s not ´boldness´ (for want of a better word), he´s won the kindness award 2yrs running for his kindness in class and towards the other pupils, he socialises very well, has no problem making friends so we are just puzzled (and I think the teacher is just as puzzled).
So - here we are - but still no further!!!
As it´s your sons first year, allow him that time to settle. It can take a long time for some of them! Keep communicating with her - at the end of the day she will have his best interest at heart. I would be more concerned if they were ignoring any concerns and letting him carry on but only to realise that next year he is behind his peers due to not listening or moving about etc.
At the same time, I know the worry you are going through and you look up every symptom possible to try and see what the problem is but sometimes it´s not as clear cut as that as I´ve very well learned!
I put up this post when DS was 4.5yrs -he´s now 6.5 and we´re still none the wiser!!
I really hope that things settle down for you and your Little One!



re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
18/10/2010 14:57 - Behaviour / Discipline
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Thanks Sky - it was nice of you to take the time to post that!

I did question myself at times but I think this is a natural reaction as a Mother - you begin to question yourself!
I have the most wonderful, intelligent, handsome and extremely funny 6yr old!
His future is all I concern myself with and for him make it through even primary level I want it to be a postive experience for him and not one of dread.
He´s very advanced at times and comes out with words that we would struggle with ourselves :)
Without him our lives would be very dull and so I´m going to concentrate on the positive things and not so much on the negatives. I will help him to the best of my ability at home and work with those outside the home that know better too!
I could get defensive & take my conversations with his teacher as critism but what´s the point? She wants him to enjoy school as much as I do.
I´m not going to lie and say that I don´t find myself thinking about the future & his assesment etc but there are people so much worse off than we are!!!

Anyway - thanks again and I will certainly be keeping this post updated for those who find themsevles in the same situation!!





re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
01/10/2008 17:00 - Behaviour / Discipline
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Rach, that´s what I genuinely believe. He´s bound to be irritable.
Stuffed up, sore throat, monsterious tonsils etc...who´d want to be in class all day feeling like that!
I just hope to God with his first ENT appointment on Friday week that the consultant will see every reason why they must be removed as soon as possible. They are having an awful affect on him.

I think only half chatting to the teacher at the gate / schoolyard, we´re both not getting the opportunity to discuss this further so what I may arrange to do in a week or two is call to her after school. At least this way I will be able to inform her fully his current health problems!

Thanks for the reply! Hope you´re little man is doing good!!





re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
22/10/2010 08:53 - Behaviour / Discipline
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I read this a couple of days ago and was thinking since. My son had similar difficulties when he started school. Everybody´s case is totally different but in my case, there was something uncovered that needed support. Looking back, the teachers probably could see something that I couldn´t but once he got the appropriate help, things began to improve. Perhaps in your case, it may just be a case of taking time to settle down and he could be fine but it´s worth ruling in and out possibilities because when you know the way forward, it´s so much easier.



re... : 4yr old not settling - being disruptive in class??           reply
18/10/2010 12:31 - Behaviour / Discipline
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What a refreshing and honest response from Noodle. I just wanted to say well done. As parents, when our children encounter some difficulties, we tend to either beat ourselves up (or the school). Sometimes it is neither the fault of the parent nor the school.
All of our children have amazing strengths and talents. There may also be areas of difficulty, which sometimes will improve with time. Sometimes, time gives us the opportunity of accepting that there may be a difficulty and then it is better to have an assessment to identify ways in which we can help. Best of luck to Noodle and well done again on your refreshing honesty..




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