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Advice please

Advice please           reply
18/02/2015 14:28 - Ask Mother Hen
My soon to be 10 yr old girl (4th class) was bullied by one of her friends in last yr (3 class) as they were friends and I was friends with the mom I tried to sort it out between ourselves. This did not go down well with the mom and demanded that the school sorted it out as it was a school matter and I had no right to bring it to her door. I didn´t believe it was truely a school matter as it was happening outside of school also. The school handled it in line with their new anti bullying policy and the girls were talked to etc. they have remained ´friends´ since this but there has been a few minor incidents since which the school are aware of. My issue/concern is my child seems to be alienated from most of her class now, she is a quiet girl anyway but there has been parties since that she would have been invited to before but not this yr. she had a big party last yr
in which all the girls were invited the other girl declined as her mom was busy that night, we don´t talk anymore (she demanded that´ I apologise for the false Accusations I made against her daughter) Anyway my lo is upset over these parties seems withdrawn when I talk to her bout her other friends in the class. I wonder has the other girl said anything bout what happened last yr or her mom to the other moms and is thus affecting my lo in school. It is very clear to see that something happened as we were very close. I don´t know how to deal with this should i chat to the school or leave it and see how things work out? Please help!!

re : Advice please           reply
19/02/2015 14:40 - Ask Mother Hen
I am hearing that this has been upsetting for you, as we do not like to see our children upset. This is an age where friends change ( I often say to parents its like a tree that sheds it leaves). What can you do to support her in making new friends? Is there an activity she enjoys that she would like to do outside school; which gives the possibility of an alternative group of friends when there is a period of transition on the school front.
Most of all, I believe they need to see from us that we are fully confident in their ability (and likeability) in meeting other friends and that our role is to step back and have the play date if they ask, instead of being anxious ´did you play with anyone in the yard today?´ When we are anxious; we can pass it on, and they may now see a problem where they did´nt before.
Focus on building confidence and security through giving her lots of opportunities with time for training and support ;and encouragement to build her sense of competence and confidence. Secondly, spend time with her and use the time to tell her what she is good at, what you like/love about her, and encourage extra curricular pursuits to broaden the pool of people she meets with on a weekly basis. Its great to leave school and do something you love with a group of like minded people with whom you have lots in common with and just what you need during a transition time like now. Most of all, believe she will make new friends and be just fine.

re... : Advice please           reply
20/02/2015 09:22 - Ask Mother Hen
Thank you for your reply Mother Hen. Your advice is very good I do always ask how she got on in school and who she was playing with really because I was unaware for a while that she was being bullied and as such I´m very anxious. I see not that my anxiety could be passed onto her. She does do other activities outside school 2 of which none of her school friends are in but 1 this other girl is in. She doesn´t seem keen on play dates so I try not to push it. I just hope she will find her confidence and spark again. Thank you

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