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Difficulty with Class mate

re : Difficulty with Class mate           reply
26/09/2010 15:48 - Ask Mother Hen
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It´s not nice if we think our little ones are having any difficulty. Having said that, we have to try to get the balance right between offering an ear, keeping an eye but not labouring over it with our little ones. It´s just a word of caution not to let your daughter feel that this is escalating by you asking every day, ´Did she do this today.....?´ I´m not saying you are doing this but just cautioning that from experience, this can sometimes be more upsetting for smallies. If the teacher is keeping an eye, you are lending an ear when needed, that´s the main thing.



re... : Difficulty with Class mate           reply
27/09/2010 10:37 - Ask Mother Hen
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All very good advice given in the replies so far. I think you are right to keep an eye on the situation and also that the teacher is doing so too. It sounds like there is some bullying going on and it is best to deal with it as soon as possible before it causes distress to your little girl.
Do keep a record of the incidents - this can be reviewed with the teacher on a regular basis. It is very important that you don´t put too much emphasis on this with your daughter - keep calm and don´t pressurise or cross examine her about the other girl. Set aside some one to one time with her each day, maybe a time you play a game together, read a story, prepare for bedtime - whatever works for you both. Use this time to chat with her and she will most likely tell you about anything that happened at school rather than you asking questions. Encourage her at every opportunity by noticing her efforts, how she acts and so on. This will help to build her self esteem. Use double encouragement where appropriate (perhaps telling her Dad about something good she did in front of her).
Try to keep calm and don´t overstress yourself about this. You are doing the right thing so far and if this is a bullying situation, by following the advice given, you can be confident that you are dealing with it correctly. Keep in touch with the teacher so you can both work together on this.
Your little girl sounds lovely and she is entitled to enjoy school!
Best of luck.



re... : Difficulty with Class mate           reply
27/09/2010 11:03 - Ask Mother Hen
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Thank you all for your comments and advice. When we went into school this morning the teacher had decided, because there was more than one occassion something had happen, to talk to the other girls mother. Its a relief in one way but at the same time I don´t want to be falling out with anyone. The teacher is going to keep them separated for a few weeks and reassured me again that she will keep a close eye on things. Heres hoping this will be an end to things.



re... : Difficulty with Class mate           reply
27/09/2010 13:49 - Ask Mother Hen
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Delighted to hear that and thank you for letting us know.



Difficulty with Class mate           reply
24/09/2010 23:15 - Ask Mother Hen (Locality: Cork)
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My little girl, who will be 5 in November, began Junior Infants in September. She loves school, her teacher and generally everyone. My daughter is the kind of child that sees the best in everyone and wants everyone to be her friend even when someone is nasty to her all she wants is for them to be her friend. My problem is that every week since the start of the school year my daughter has had an incident with one child. On the first day of school they appeared to be friends but by the end of the first week the little girl started to pick on my daughter, even during supervised play in the yard the child was trying to exclude my daughter. My daughter has come home on numrous days telling me that this girls told her she´s not her friend. By the end of the second week she had squeezed my daughters hand hurting her telling her to shh when she did it. And then today my daughter ended up hysterical in school because this girl pinched her on the bottom again telling her to shh and be quiet. When asked by the teacher if she had pinched by daughter she denied it. The teacher assures me she is keeping an eye on things but this child seems to be waiting until no one is watching. I´m not naive I have an 8 year old and a 2 year old along with the girl in junior infants. Is it just me or does this little girl in my daughters class seem a little bit too malicous??? shes only just turned 5.

I just want someone else´s opinion, i´m I overreacting or is this child bullying my little girl? I don´t want anyone to ruin school for her when she loves it so much.

By the way there is only 11 girls in her class.





re : Difficulty with Class mate           reply
25/09/2010 00:00 - Ask Mother Hen
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That is a terrible situation to find your little girl in!! the sshhh part is particularly disturbing. 5 year olds vary so much, some are as sweet as can be and some are not.

I´m sure that the teacher is keeping an eye on it and is genuinely doing her best to avoid incidents and to keep your little one safe and happy in her class. I think I would also ask her to have a private word with your daughter after school just to make sure she has a chance to overtly encourage your daughter to keep TELLING when things like this happen. ´Telling´ is key to stopping this problem from escallating into a full blown bullying problem. I would ask her to also let the other teachers on yard duty know that there has been a problem.

I would note any incidents that your daughter reports to you IN HER WORDS and with the date. E.g. ´Tara pinched my arm in the line at lunchtime´ 24/9/10. I would not get into the habit of asking her directly if x was bothering her today, as this would make the problem the focus of her day and may cause her to worry about it. Ask if she had a good day and who she played with, this should elicit any problems if they´re there.

If there is no improvement and your daughter becomes distressed and it´s affecting her sleep, her attitude to school or she´s becoming aggressive or withdrawn I would consider the problem to be bullying at that point. Let the teacher know that you are very concerned and that you´re going to make an appointment with the principal to ask for some advice. At that point it would be good to have those dates and details in your child´s words. Ask the principal about the school bullying policy and ask what you can do at home to help, what can be done in school to help. The policy probibly includes a preiod of observation and recording of incidents which you will have already done and the tacher may have already started to do too.

Hopefully the teacher will be able to nip this in the bud. I hope your daughter enjoys school and this doesn´t go any farther. :)




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