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Getting my daughter to study

re... : Getting my daughter to study           reply
05/11/2009 10:24 - Ask Mother Hen
Thank you very much for your very sound advice. I have tried to be supportive and to talk to her about why it is important to put the work in now but she is a stubborn girl! A bright girl too and very sensible in lots of ways. We have sat down and worked out a study plan together but getting her to keep to it is another story. Her teachers are great for talking to her but you know what they say about bringing a horse to water! They have had study advice too and it is great. Again its just the problem of making her take the advice. Its so frustrating from my point of view. I would love to hear from other parents on this one.

re : Getting my daughter to study           reply
04/11/2009 15:56 - Ask Mother Hen
This is a very tricky situation. A lot of students think that the Junior Cert is not important but it is very important to them. Getting a good result can be a fantastic confidence booster and in the same way, getting a poor result can cause a dreadful blow to the teenager. Some students think that the can ‘cram’ nearer to the exams but, for her own sake it would be better to begin putting in the work sooner rather than later so that she is not faced with a huge mountain of study next year.
So what can you do? You cannot make her study and even if you put a routine in place where she has to spend a certain number of hours in her bedroom to study, she could be daydreaming, listening to music or even chatting to friends. The trick is to get her motivated to study without you having to put pressure on her.
I would advise you to have a chat with your daughter about studying. Listen to her point of view first (it is vital that you let her talk before you tell her your concerns). Empathise as much as you can if she complains that study is boring etc. Use the active listening technique and encourage her to find a solution. For example, “From what you say, you find it difficult to stay focussed when you study. What do you think you can do about that?”. Encourage her, by trying to solve the problem together, to try to come up with ideas to help her study, organise her study time and to keep notes in a system that will help her with revision. Make sure that she has a quiet space to study and popping in with the odd cup of tea etc., would be a very good way for you to show that you recognise that it is hard work and you want to show her support.
You could also try speaking with her year head or class tutor at school. She may be doing fine without having to put in a lot of study at present and you may be better to back off and let her set her own study routine. If she is doing poorly and needs to study more, the school may be able to get their career/guidance counsellor to have a chat with her. Some schools also run study technique and motivation classes, you could also enquire with the school about that.
The important thing is that you encourage and support your daughter in studying rather than nagging her or being negative. Talk to her about how much you want her to feel good about herself when she gets her results. You could also try to agree a reward system with her, for example, €15 for every ‘A’, €10 for every ‘B’ and so on. This can be a great motivator for students.

Getting my daughter to study           reply
02/11/2009 18:06 - Ask Mother Hen (Locality: Cork)
My daughter just wont study for her junior cert no matter what I say to her. She does a tiny bit and thinks thats enough. Threats and rewards dont work. Talking to her doesnt work. She say junior cert is irrelevant and she is doing enough. Is there anyway to solve this?

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