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Teenage Sexuality

Teenage Sexuality           reply
15/06/2009 12:07 - Ask Mother Hen
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My 13 year old son has told me he had become obsessed with the idea that he is gay. As far as both I and my son are concerned he isn´t gay and never showed an interest in boys. He´s had many ´girlfriends´. He always apeared to be happy he is very involved in his social circle, plays a lot of sport and has many friends.
He said this thought came into his head one day and he can´t shake it. He is thinking of how he will tell people and live his life as a gay man even though all the evidence points to him being hetrosexual. He said he couldn´t tell any of his friend about his thought as they would think he was really gay and trying to pretend he wasn´t! He´s extremely upset by these thoughts and I suggested to him that teenages go through a confused sexual identity period as part of growing up. Please help. I can´t bear to watch him in so much mental anguish.




re : Teenage Sexuality           reply
15/06/2009 13:58 - Ask Mother Hen
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I would imagine that some form of counselling would be appropriate by somebody who is an expert in this area.



re... : Teenage Sexuality           reply
03/09/2010 00:26 - Ask Mother Hen
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whatever you do dont tell him its "just a phase" they are the most hateful words spoken when you are trying to get a grip with your sexuality!! There are a lot worse things in the world than being gay!!!



re... : Teenage Sexuality           reply
14/04/2011 09:11 - Ask Mother Hen
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I completely agree, don´t tell him it´s "just a phase". Suggest that it may be or may not be but that either way everything is ok and that there´s no need to panic. I agree that the worst thing to do when you´re trying to figure it out yourself, is have someone trivialise or dismiss it. It´s the same as when teenagers try to tell their parents they are in love and parents laugh at them or dismiss them and say they´re not in love and don´t understand love. It´s all relative to the age the child is, and to them, their feelings are very real.

What if he feels like he actually might definitely be gay at 16 then? He will take in what you said and be even more confused about his identity and it being "just a phase" and might feel like you won´t believe him. It´s a tricky issue because 13 is young but I really think teenagers need to have their feelings validated at the same time. They´re smarter than they´re given credit for. Would you say that 13 is too young to know you like people of the opposite sex? Probably not! Therefore he is able to know that he has same sex attractions. He is old enough. He may not be gay but he does know he has same sex attractions at least, so let him know that´s ok, and there is no rush to figure out a label for anyone. That all that matters is how he feels and knowing that you are completely fine with however he feels. Just ease his mind and make him relax and explore it without the need for huge polar opposite labels. Sexuality doesn´t even work like that.

You sound like a really approachable mother anyway and he obviously feels like he can really talk to you! So all I´m saying is don´t make him feel like it´s just some insignificant phase or weird feeling, let him know that it´s ok to have whatever feelings he has and that he has loads of time to define himself. And consider yourself a good parent because not a lot of 13 year old boys would tell their mother stuff like this! :)



re : Teenage Sexuality           reply
16/06/2009 11:56 - Ask Mother Hen
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I think you need to start with chatting to him about why this thought came into his head. Why does he think he is gay? Get him to talk it through and see how this goes - he may end up seeing the situation more clearly when he talks with you in detail about it. If he has had a ´crush´ on another male, this is not uncommon in puberty so re-assure him that this is not necessarily a sign. It is important that you don´t portray being gay as being a problem - tell him that regardless of his position, you will love, accept and support him.
I really think that 13 years of age is very young to know what way he is feeling and hopefully, if he gets to talk it out with you, he can get back to the business of enjoying simply being 13!
If this fails, perhaps talk to your GP about what support may be available in your area - he/she should be able to put you in contact with some youth counselling services.
Best of luck.



re... : Teenage Sexuality           reply
20/06/2009 15:39 - Ask Mother Hen
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Outhouse in Dublin is a gay outreach centre and they have a section for teenagers and kids. The group is called Belong2.

Contact: Michael Barron


Phone(Group): + 353 1 873 4184


Email Address: belongto@eircom.net


Web Address: www.belongto.org

They will be able to help him understand his feelings and worries.

Thankfully he was able to come to you with this and talk to you about it. I remember having to hide my sexuality right up until my late 20´s. Just make sure he understands that being gay is no big deal and is just as normal as heterosexuality!






re... : Teenage Sexuality           reply
02/09/2010 20:42 - Ask Mother Hen
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I would say it´s most likely puberty doing it´s crazy things. Many teenagers go through phases of confusion with their sexuality. Maybe he thinks he is more sensitive or "girly" than his peers and has it in his head that anyone like that must be gay? I would try and reassure him that it´s probably just a phase and not to worry about it. After time things should calm down and be less confusing for him.



re... : Teenage Sexuality           reply
17/06/2009 00:26 - Ask Mother Hen
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Mother Hen´s advice sounds very good.



re... : Teenage Sexuality           reply
02/09/2010 23:17 - Ask Mother Hen
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don´t most guys go through a stage when they are teenagers when they think they are gay.... I would tell your son not to stress about it. its more a curiousity thing .... r he may have become aroused around his mates. from talking to male friends of mine they all said this is quite normal ....




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