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The politics of making friends
Posted by School Run Mum on 31/08/2011. Tags: School Run Mum Parenting
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Going back to school this week brings with it many emotions: excitement, uncertainty, fear and joy – every child will react in their own way whether they are just starting school or getting back into the school routine after the summer break. It’s a rollercoaster ride for us all.For many parents, particularly those of younger children, the school term brings with it a number of concerns and anxieties, and they are not all to do with academic ability. In fact, most parents are quite probably more concerned about their child settling into school life and making friends, than anything else.
Friendships can be tricky things to manage – while some children will settle easily into a game of tag with their classmates, others may be more reserved and will hang back. Some children will be invited to every birthday party and play date going, while others may not. And this can be tough for the child and the parent. As a parent, it is also difficult to know how to manage the issue of friendships – will parents be offended if their child isn’t invited to a birthday party? Should play date invitations always be repeated/reciprocated, especially if the children don’t actually seem to get on all that well.
Writing in the Irish Times this week, Sheila Wayman’s article ‘Lessons in Making Friends’ suggests some ways in which the whole issue of friendships and socialising can be managed. It makes for interesting reading and it’s encouraging to see that it’s actually OK to not have a play date arranged for every day of the week – my house/sanity are frequently just not able to cope with any more than my own children so I’m relieved to see that this doesn’t make me a bad parent!
What do you think? Do you worry about your children making friends at school? Is it important to you that they are a popular member of the class with lots of friends, or are you happy for them to have one or two closer friends with whom they have a special bond? Either way, you can guarantee it is going to be one of the many things keeping us exhausted parents awake at night!
5thclassmammy
(31/08/2011 13:54)
My daughter is going into 5th class this year and we have this problem every year for about three months when she initially goes back to school. She is bullied by exclusion throughout the school year but particularly in the first three months where she finds it almost impossible to get anyone to play with her in the yard. She ends up reading throughout her small and lunch breaks. We have discussed this with all her teachers who have told us she is not the problem but there is nothing they can do short of forcing the other girls to play with her. Fingers crossed this year will be different.
3rd class mum
(02/09/2011 19:40)
This sounds very similar to my daughter. I have asked a couple of nice parents to help my daughter mix with the other cliques. They haven't invited her on a play date but we are meeting as parents while the kids play. Kids can be soooooo cruel sometimes. I empathize. I believe its up to parents to encourage their kids to be inclusive and accepting to everyone. Seeing kids over the summer could help the start back. Inviting wide mix of kids to your house may help or having a tea party where u invite a group can work.
Alice
(01/09/2011 13:59)
I had a daughter who went through this for years. It can be difficult for teachers to pinpoint the children causing the problems or find something specifically that they can pull the kids up on which is frustrating because your daughter will know who it is and exactly what they're doing. I got my child into drama to help her be more assertive which really helped but in all honesty, I am sorry now that I didn't take her out of the school altogether and send her somewhere else. Discuss this option with the teacher- if she's not the problem they won't want to lose her and might try a bit harder to work it out. I thought at the time that if we stuck it out it would work out for the best but it took two miserable years and I'm sorry I put her through it. I sent her to a secondary school I knew no one else from her school was going and she's never been happier.
Hope this helps.